New Cali Journal

I apparently spoke to soon

Well since everyone is doing it I might as well too.

So whats new in the realm of me...boy..can I add to the list here.

1. SCHOOL: School is great. One year down and one to go. I can't believe I am graduating in a year. Scary thought. Then its back at school for the MFA program. I can't also believe I will be out of school with my Masters by the time I am 25. Wow. I am working a dance show right now which is going great and I am loving all my classes. This summer I get to take Music, Great Performances in Film, and Cult Films haha. Then next quarter I get to take Directing, Theatre History, Urban Studies and Stage Manage a show for credit. I love my campus and love all that I am learning and experiencing. Sungod Festival was awesome. I am so glad I went.

2. WORK: Totally unemployed. I just wrapped up working at the San Diego Opera as the Assistant Lighting Designer for Madam Butterly. What an amazing experience that was and what a beautiful show. If you want to see videos I would be glad to show you, just cant post them. But my parents want me to take a year off from work so I can focus on school. Love them. I may work Moonlight a bit this summer but I think I will be too busy.

3. SUMMER: So besides summer classes I will also be interning at the La Jolla Playhouse this summer. My first show is with BD Wong, he was Martin Short's assistant in Father of the Bride. I am so excited to be working with such talented individuals. I will also be going to Hawaii in 13 days. It will be great to get away before school starts again. I also hope to reconnect with a few people, you know who you are.

4. LOVE: Oh boy. Well John and I are still together...10 months and still kickin. Actually I have a huge update. John sat down with my parents and discussed with them asking to marry me between now and when I graduate. :) Brave boy.

5. LIFE: Life is overall good. Only one or two down spots but I think we get them so life isnt too easy. The only one worth mentioning is that I was diagnosed with mild depression. I think everyone has that once and awhile. I refused to get on meds so I am just going to deal. Its not bad actually. Crying every once and awhile feels great. Releases all your inner demons. On a happy note, I really feel more confident in myself. I feel like I am looking better and am stronger mentally. I like who I am as a person and I can feel myself growing and maturing.

Well thats good enough for now, hope all of you who read this are well.

One quarter down and 5 more to go. I have learned a lot about myself and the world at this point.

True love does exist.

Your true friends will always be there when you need them.

The right road isn't always the easist one.

Concrete hurts when you fall on it.

Trust in you

Yup I said it. I can't begin to say how much that is true. So here is the readers digest version.

1. School rocks! All my classes are going great. I just got my education plan going and although my next two years are going to be super busy I am going to love it. My campus is amazing. I am so glad i decided to go to University and not state or community. It has so many advantages. I am making great connections and friends that I know will be extremely successful.

2. My mentor is friggen awesome! I am learning the ropes from my stage management professor. She is the stage manager for the La Jolla Playhouse too. I am meeting famous actors and seeing some pretty amazing shows!

3. My new job is awesome! I am now the stage manager for the avo playhouse show Moon Over Buffalo, the asm for Pump Boys and Dinettes and the props head for Driving Miss Daisy! Sooo excited! I am busy but gaining a lot of respect among the theatre world.

4. I love having no curfew at home. My mother is very lenient with me now. Thank god I never pulled anything overly stupid with her. I am allowed to drink at home with her and go wherever as long as I let her know in case something happens to me.

5. HAWAII! I am going to Hawaii for a week in the summer right after school ends. Best part- john is coming with me!

6. JOHN! ok so here is the scenario. John and I have been dating for almost 2 months now. Things have been going amazing with him. We see eachother everyday and go on some pretty amzing dates. SO we go to Six Flags this weekend and i have this moment of word vomit where I spill to him that i am having a hard time not feeling more than just liking him. (we had discussed not rushing into anything or saying the L word too soon). So we go on the riddler and i am feeling like great i am scaring him off now. when we get off the ride he pulls me to this bench and sits me down and says one of the most romantic things i can ever imagine. "Elise, I want to tell you something. For the past few days I have been going over and over our relationship. How perfect things are yet how I said I would not rush myself or you. And I had this moment where I was saying to myself not to say anything until I find someone worth loving. And then I slapped myself saying wake up John, she is right here in front of you, you have her. So what I am trying to say is Elise, I love you." i was in shock that all i could do was smile and cry. he gave me the best sweet kiss on the planet and all i could say to him was I love you too!

7. LIFE ROCKS!

Yesterday was amazing! John, myself, Mikey and Ashley went to Sea World for the day. It couldn't have been a better day! We went our seperate ways for awhile and I got to show John Sea World where he hasn't been in such a long time. The best part was that he couldn't stop holding my hand! I loved it. It was like whenever we moved or walked somewhere he wanted to be by my side. It was great. Then the kids rejoined us at the Shamu show. There was no room so I had to sit on Johns lap for the show which he suggested and I did not mind at all. At the end of the night we kissed under the fireworks. Then Ash and I had the fun idea of going around and taking fun shots around the park which we did lol. He said it was amazing as no one has ever gotten him to open up like that. Then we got home late and found my folks outside. Apparently some kids were stealing stuff out of cars and we were supposed to wait for the cops. So John stayed with us. He was so comfortable and to make things more interesting...so were my parents. He just stood behind me with his arms around me and my parents didn't care. That was a first for sure.

So where did this all come from do you ask? Well flash back over 5 years ago to my freshman year spanish class. John and I used to flirt with eachother for fun everyday. Then we started hanging out since he lives about a minute away walking distance. Then for some reason we stopped. Flash forward to last week. He walks into my job at Big Five and we were both like HOLY SHIT NO WAY! So he gave me his number as he still had mine and said he would call me. I of course was like yea sure uh huh right. But that night I get a text saying hey come over tonight so we can catch up. So after rehearsal I went over to his place. We sat outside and talked for hours. Then he asked me to come over again the next night, which I did. We were kinda awkward around eachother, and I couldn't figure out why. But at the end of the night he asked me out on a lunch date. So we went to Rubys and ate upstairs on the balcony and then went bowling which was so much fun. Then he had to go to work and I had to go home. Later however I get another text saying he wanted to see me again for a movie at his place. So I walked over for a movie. So midway through he pulls me over to him and gives me the most melting sweet kiss ever and says so, are you ready to be my girlfriend because I want to be your boyfriend. AHHHH! Of course I was ecstatic and said yes. So I asked him out for a Sea World date and here we are today :)

So my parents like him, the kids like, a few of my friends already like him since they know him and the rest will too...could this be someone who actually lasts?

...another one definately opens! I have met someone..he is my age, we went to high school together, he is athletic and likes to be outdoors, he has a great sense of humor and best of all he likes me. All smiles today. Pictures from our first date to be up tomorrow night!

Well I finally graduated from MCC...I got all A's and B's..thank God! This measn I am off to UCSD next semester. I have also been dating Joe for almost 2 months now. Its great to actually be in a relationship that has lasted more than a few weeks. I am working 2 jobs now. Money in the bank.

My parents are getting nuts with me right now though. I think there is a day when parents stop wanting you around and start wanting you out. My parents are officially taking me off their insurance plan for my car so thats going to be a few extra bucks..yuck. That means that they will be handing me my cell phone bill next...great. They keep throwing up the word "rent" which is annoying as hell. They want me to move out but as a full time student I cant get enough work hours to afford that. And when I bring up not going to school full time they say no way. So they need to stop complaining.

Cant wait till next week to get some free time to see friends more.

Just had a life changing weekend. Went down to UCSD to see my campus and living. Wow. I am going to be going to UCSD Thurogood Marshall College. I met my provost and my major/academic advisors and a few of my future students. I am so excited to be mingling with these people. I start in September..so stoked. The best part is I get to still be close to home and SD for anoher 2 years..well not really. I am going to England for a semester to study theatre in the West End in Fall of 09. I am already signed up and going.

I am also officially in a great relationship. Joe is amazing. We have been together a month as of last night. And as everyone knows thats a big deal since I usually don't last that long. But I am not scared anymore. I can be intimate with him, laugh with him and cry with him. Its an amazing feeling. I am really happy and he is supportive in everything I do. That is what I have been missing while dating all these frogs..a real prince. I think its his age that makes this a great realtionship. There is no BS with a 27 year old. He knows what he wants in life, he is stable and mature and he knows how to treat a girl. Plus my parents like him. YAY.

So I am going to the 3rd top University in the Country and am dating an amazing man that my parents like. I love it.

Miss you guys and hope all is well.

life really comes full circle when you just let go an don't fight the flow. so much has happened in the last few days, i can't even decribe how much has changed. i met someone. and i know i am always on here saying how i have met this great guy and i like him alot blah blah blah. but this is different. our relationship is...different. its more mature. no need for partying everynight, or immature bullshit. its all about talking and just being together. something i never thought could be satisfying. and the scary thing is that im feeling myself let go of all my past inhibitions. my walls are breaking down and im free of worries. when i am with him i am comfortable and safe and happy and i dont feel like am looking at other men or even feel the need to. i love how am now. i feel like a totally different person than i was not too long ago. i dont feel like i need to impress anyone and i dont feel like i need to be someone that i am not. now i know that its only been a short time but i know that this will change me for good. other than that i am starting my new job tomorrow, im going to my new school on saturday, and i am going to be having one of the best summers of my life. i love all of you and hope your lives are going as great and as amazing as possible.

First tat tomorrow ahhhh~

Seriously I hate when life gets this way. You know when you think nothing else can go wrong and you think things can only get better? Bullshit! Something always gets put on the pile. Thank god for the true people who help you through it. Brenna thank you so much for doing what you did and helping me through this. I know now that I no matter what happens I will always be able to turn to you and I hope vice versa. Thanks so much!

For this weekend! Saturday all day with Danny and Mike and Ash down at the Supercross events in SD...then work Sunday with some of my favorite peeps..then SD with Brenna for girlyness, myspace pics and hookah! YUS!

Brenna and I talked about a lot of things and Patrick and I did as well...I think I will be alright now. I love when you reach out and you get results. Cant wait for this weekend. It should be a lot of fun.

Why is it that when I feel that I have made a good decision for myself I get slapped down. Its really not fair. I ended my relationship for me. No we did not make the decision together. No I did not ask how he felt about it . I had to do this for me. Now what does he do? Go to my friends and make me look like the bad guy. Tells them things he never told me, which isnt a first apparently. I want to be friends with him but he is making it difficult to do that. I need to focus on work and school and getting through this semester, and I don't need to go reading conversations about me on the internet. So to my friends, please stop making this more than it is. Stop trying to get information out of him or asking him about our situation. If you want to know anything about us ask me since, as to put it in his words, "I made this decision on my own and didnt consult him". And since we are still friends he tells me everything that is said about me. And trust me, hearing that he will "find a better girl" hurt me just as much as it pissed him off. We dated for 3 weeks, we may get back together, we may not, but its between us. Ive already takled with him about this and I would hope that all could respect my feelings and not pry into whats going on. I wouldnt wish that upon any of you so I hope you feel the same.

And on an even better note, tomorrow is going to suck. I have class until 1130, then I have work until 230 then class until 415 and then work until 9....ugh! Im going to die, I really am haha.

I am single once again. This time however I parted on good terms. Patrick and I rushed into things way to fast, and I found out that I really didn't feel half as much for him as he felt for me. So we are going to remain friends. I need time to focus on my career and school and new/old friends. All is well, no hard feelings.

You know how you get on a roller coaster and you are all anxious for what its going to feel like? Then you get on the ride..there are ups and downs, twists and turns and loop di loops? What happens at the end (well only if you love roller coasters)? You get off feeling awesome and winded and amazing! Well lets just say this...thats what life has done to me. I got on this roller coaster not knowing what was going to happen. As some of you know, my life has gone through some ups and downs. Losses, depression, anger, and illness..all inbetween I get some highs like good grades, jobs, friends. Nothing that was totally constant. Drops were sudden and harsh. And now...Im getting off my first roller coaster. And I feel amazing! Ive met someone who, I dont know, makes me speechless. I think about him constantly. Whenever I get a missed call or a text I smile. He sees me as someone I never thought I was. These last few days have been incredible. Just the little things he does make feel so warm and happy inside. I know people say these things dont last and I know I have been through and done enough not to deserve him. You know what, I dont care. I will quote my favorite song in a musical, "I'll make every last moment last" and we will see where this new chapter in my life will lead me. Who knows, maybe I can consider myself taken for a long while and finally have a relationship that is fun and amazing and what I have always wanted! Wish me luck!

Use safety glue to put it back together. Hopefully it will stay together this time. The excuse this time? " I cant deal with the fact that your 3 best friends are men"....WHAT! Thats ridiculous. I cant stand this bull. I mean honestly its not like Im screwing Danny or Dustin or Kevin...I mean come on! Kevin is well Kevin and has a gf...Dustin is sooooooooooooo not my type and Danny and I are great friends and thats all. I spend every day with you, go on trips with you, invite you everywhere with my family, hang with your friends and try to mold into your lifestyle..and I get shit on. I might as well be a nun or something. UGH! Alright then fine...I will show you how I am. I will pick myself up and move on and when you come crawling back to me, I will make you lie down and kiss the dirt. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Now that that is over. I am going to be so busy next semester its nuts. Anthropology, Oceanography/Lab, 2 communication classes and a show. Plus work and trying to fit in friends and family, plus a new york trip.

New resolutions: 1. reconnect my past to my future...aka BRENNA AND AMANDA!
2. become fit physically and mentally
3. smile more

My life right now is kinda similar to the supreme scream at knotts berry farm. It brings me up to see my future high in the sky and attainable, then drops me, then brings me back up but my future is less attainable, then drops me again, then brings me up to say bye bye future and puts me on the gorund to leave it behind. No matter how many times I get on the ride its still the same ending. what sucks is I am so stubborn I have to keep getting on the fucking ride.

Work is good. Its getting busier but I am over having jobs with a routine to them. Brenna might understand this one in retail. Sitting there day to day, regurgitating information you say almost everyday. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I envy you Amanda with your fast pace job. I'm looking into working with Danny Baer as a secretary or something for his construction company..or haha being a nanny..wow right. Kevin wants me to apply with him to a restaurant but I am not allowed due to my health.

Oh yea, so for the two people who read this you will understand why I pulled myself from your group and ultimately almost our friendship. I am sick. I mentioned this in a journal entry about 2 months ago. Its pretty bad actually. To cut it down from medical terms, my own body is taking me down. Im not contagious and can give to anyone else by any means, but it makes me lesser than I once was. I can't keep up with your lifestyle and it sucks. I hear about all the fun things you are doing and it kills me. I had to quit my modeling job as it took to much strain on me, at work I have to stay pretty imobile. I have been to the hospital about 3 times in the last 2 weeks. It is getting ridiculous. And I miss you two. You have no idea how hard it was for me to back out of everything. Knowing I would only have Kevin and Dustin for company. I miss the summer when we were all friends. When I could call or hear from you everyday. I want it back but don't know how. I reach out occasionally with a myspace message or text but thats not enough. I did it to myself I suppose and I guess I will have to sit and take it. Just know that to the two of you I am speaking of I miss you terribly and am sorry for doing what I did.

The only part of my life I am pretty content with is my dating situation. Zero. I date a bit, see where things go, but no relationships yet. And thats ok. I get to meet people and have fun. Guess thats all a girl can ask for.

Well as I said before I miss you. Happy Holidays and hope one day to hear from you.

Today marks the end of a long week. Good god. Lots to tell and so little time. Well work has been ok. I have been doing the whole kiosk thing. All I can say is picky customers suck and long days suck even more. I folded tissue paper for HOURS! Anyways, I had an ok Halloween. Spent it with my brothers and a good friend of mine from The Moonlight. Haven't seen him in ages so it was nice to be around old friends and family. Other than that life is going ok at this point. Nothing to crazy. Hope you all are doing well!

Elise

New Things
-Promoted at work...come see me I sell sunglasses and watches in the center of Chicks and im there almost every day!
-Glasses...just to have them and alternate my style
-Hair...yup I went black, my hairstylist got this cool idea and now I look more Italian yay!
-Job....modeling, yikes! I work for a calendar agency..meaning I am in calendars..fun I guess
-Attitude...towards life mostly, life is too short to worry about anything. Go with the flow, I can party more, stay home more and go through my days with a better attitude.

One Down Side....Im sick again, kinda serious. Not contagious and not noticable, except to me. But i wont let it bring me down and i will live my life the way i want as long as i can.

Hope you all are well and you have a great holiday!

Elise